Toldot - Chabad of the West Side

Torah Fax

Friday - Shabbat Nov 20- 21

Torah Reading: Toldot (Genesis 25:19 - 28:9)

Candle Lighting 4:15 PM
Shabbat ends 5:18 PM

Don’t Know?

Our Parshah recounts the famous story of Jacob, at Rebecca’s behest, posing as his brother Esau in order to “trick” his father Isaac into blessing him in his brother’s stead. When Esau discovered how Jacob wrested the blessings from him he vowed to kill him.

Rebecca, meanwhile, advised Jacob to flee to her brother Laban and stay there until Esau’s wrath would subside. Rebecca then told her husband that she could not countenance the idea that Jacob would marry one of the local Canaanite girls. She therefore suggested to Isaac that Jacob should go to Padan Aram, Rebecca’s hometown to find a suitable wife for himself. Isaac agreed and sent Jacob to Padan Aram.

The Torah then continues: “And Isaac sent Jacob, and he went to Padan Aram to Laban the son of Betuel the Aramean, the brother of Rebecca, the mother of Jacob and Esau.”

Rashi, in a rare comment, observes: “I do not know what this— the information that Rebecca was the mother of Jacob and Esau—teaches us.”

Rashi is obviously puzzled at the need for the Torah here to identify Rebecca as the mother of Jacob and Esau. Don’t we already know that she was their mother? After all, the entire Parsha is about: Rebecca’s difficult pregnancy with them, how she was told by G‑d that she would have twins, her giving birth to these children, their upbringing and her relationship with them. In fact, there is no other story in the Torah that provides so many details concerning the relationship of a mother with her sons as it does here. How could the reader of the Torah not know that Rebecca was the mother of Jacob and Esau?

Rashi therefore concedes that he does not know what message this was meant to convey.

One might suggest the following explanation, which can answer Rashi’s question. Of course, this will immediately generate another question: if the answer we will present here is plausible, why did Rashi not offer this as an explanation?

When one reflects on the way Rebecca goes out of her way to help Jacob receive Isaac’s powerful blessings, knowing how upset Esau would be, one might have been justified in concluding that though she was the biological mother of the two of them, Rebecca was, in fact, more Jacob’s mother in the nurturing sense of motherhood, than she was Esau’s.

Indeed, the Torah says as much in the beginning of this week’s Parsha: “Isaac loved Esau… and Rebecca loved Jacob.”

The difference between her attitude towards Jacob and Esau is once more dramatically illustrated in the last narrative of this Parsha where she asks Jacob to flee to her brother, Laban. In addition to her concern about Jacob’s safety, Rebecca was also concerned that he not marry any of the local women, but should instead find a more suitable match with one of her brother Laban’s daughters. But why did Rebecca not ask Esau to go there to marry one of her brother’s daughters? This again appears to underscore Rebecca’s preference for Jacob over Esau.

To dispel this notion that Rebecca cared less for Esau, the Torah states empathically—here, in the very last reference to Rebecca in the Torah—that she was indeed the mother of both Jacob and Esau. Despite the appearance of her preference for Jacob, she was equally concerned for the well being of her son Esau and was his mother no less than she was Jacob’s mother.

However, this raises two questions:

First, (as we mentioned above) if this explanation is valid, why did Rashi not provide it? Why couldn’t Rashi state simply that the Torah wanted to tell us that despite the appearance of Rebecca playing favorites and preferring Jacob over Esau, she was truly the mother of both, she loved them both?

Second, if it is true that Rebecca loved them both equally, why did she display far more love and concern for Jacob than for Esau?

The answer to the second question is that the reason she demonstrated more affection for Jacob was due to the unique circumstances that prevailed at that time:

From the Torah’s narrative—especially as it is illuminated by the Oral Torah—it becomes evident that the only way Esau could be helped to overcome his spiritual deficit was tragically not through love and affection. Isaac attempted to use the approach of love for his son Esau and he did not succeed in changing him. Esau was incorrigible. The more Isaac tried to show how much he loved him, the more Esau deceived his father and led a life of violence, immorality and contempt for the legacy of Abraham. Esau loudly and defiantly proclaimed as much when he disgraced the birthright at the very beginning of our Parshah and sold it for a mere pot of lentils.

Furthermore, Esau was not only a threat to Jacob, but he was a threat to the entire world. If Jacob and the legacy he followed would have been destroyed by Esau, there would never be a Jewish nation, and the Torah would not have been given. Thus, the entire world’s purpose and raison d’être would have been undermined, for we are told that the only reason G‑d created the world was for the purpose of Torah and Israel. Absent those two, our Sages declare, the world would revert to nothingness.

To be sure, there is another approach to raising children. That is tough love. But even that was not a viable option in Esau’s case. We also do not find that Isaac or Rebecca used “tough love” on Esau. Since this was not an alternative either, Rebecca had to face the bitter reality that she had an incorrigible child who was—at that time - not ready to be helped. Esau could not be reached and rehabilitated. She had no choice but to focus all of her attention on Jacob and saving him from Esau, while hoping and praying that someday Esau would be able to be rehabilitated.

We can now understand why Rashi states, “I don’t know what this teaches us.”

Rashi may have known that the Torah wishes to emphasize that Rebecca loved both of her sons despite the appearance to the contrary. Yet Rashi states, I don’t know what this could teach us, because this was such an aberration it cannot serve as a model for future parents who have a recalcitrant child. There are only two acceptable methods of dealing with them in virtually all situations; either shower and smother them with love and warmth or in extreme situations one must employ tough love. To do neither is unacceptable in virtually all situations. Rashi warns us in this one isolated instance were none of those methods worked not to learn lessons from Rebecca’s approach to parenting. Her situation was so isolated that it can hardly ever be applicable.

Oddly, it emerges that the lesson from this aberrant situation is that we should avoid learning a lesson from it. Our parenting should be based exclusively on love, even if it is occasionally “tough” love.

In the Messianic Age, we are told, Esau will eventually come around and be reconciled with Jacob. At that time we will see how Rebecca was truly concerned with both of her children even though she could not show that love and concern at that time. For thousands of years Rebecca’s love was concealed because the Esau’s of the world were not ready for it. We are now standing on the threshold of the Messianic Era when all nations will serve G‑d as one and true universal peace and harmony will prevail.

Moshiach Matters

“It is obvious that doing everything in our power to convince Hashem to bring about the Redemption is in no way connected with the prohibition against “dechikas haketz,” pushing {prematurely} the end of the Exile. That prohibition only disallows extraordinary measures, like using practical Kaballah and consorting with angels. Anything short of that is not only permitted - it is required.”
The Rebbe, Parshas Lech Lecha, 1980

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